Kln95130 wrote:On your advice, I went for another monkey-themed ennemy: the Monkey King (think Son Goku from Journey to the West, and all his erzatz like Wukong of Leagues of Legends).
Here is the first draft. I checked syntax errors with my Inform, but I'd like to proofread it (I know my writing can be very corny if I don't do that) and, more importantly, balance-test it. What extensions do I need to include a minima to test a new critter in a project file, or is there a link to a dev version?
If the result is satisfying to you, I can finish this critter, and then go for one of the other ideas you mentionned.
Very nice work
He's looking good, though there are some varied things that demand attention:
Some small code details:
- A tail entry needs to be a full sentence, including a dot at the end. (none of the other texts require a dot, with those it is automatically added)
- You can't quite use "it returns to a human form" for the cock change entry - the player might be in uninfected human shape or some other human-like form.
- Do put a 2 in the breasts entry - that's the infection's nipple count. With 2 'breasts' of size 0, the character should just have a flat chest with two nipples.
- The ' symbol is a placeholder for " in FS. Just put those around spoken words, no need to use [quotation mark].
- The Outside area already has 17(+3) creatures - and that's after efforts to relocate some to other areas. How about we put your Monkey King in an area that has less creatures and fits his character? Check
viewtopic.php?f=4&t=14 for creature listings and themes for each area. The museum might fit for a mythological character, maybe the zoo too, or the high rise district if he started out in a cinema...
- Watch out for blanks at the end of your strings - if you do not end on a symbol, there will be no line break. The Loss sex with females has that problem, for example.
- When the player char gets creamed with cum, use [fimpregchance] for a impregnation chance in a pussy and [mimpregchance] for cumming in the player's ass. Just drop those directly into the text, preferably at the end of the section that has the creature cum into the player.
Writing Tips:
- Do not put any spoken words into the player character's mouth. People tend not to like that if it doesn't fit their own view of their character. If you can, describe what the char does, but do not use actual sentences in quotation marks. (Yes, I did this myself in the past, and was asked to stop)
- Try to use synonyms for things that you refer to again and again. I think there might be a bit too many "Monkey King" peppered through the sentences. Maybe things like "simian braggart", "golden-furred martial artist", etc. thrown in here and there could mix things up a bit.
- Careful with throwing in the word "ape" into this infection's text... an ape and a monkey are not the same thing. Apes have no tails, for example.
- Use "who" only to refer to people, and "which" to refer to objects. So not "He is armed with a wooden staff who seems to change sizes" but rather "He is armed with a wooden staff, which seems to change sizes". (Well, unless it's a talking, living staff with a personality.)
Extras:
- If you do want to make this creature a bit more elaborate, maybe split off reactions to specific player shapes in his interactions. For example:
- Code: Select all
to say Monkeydesc:
if bodyname of player is "Monkey King" and player is pure:
say " Suddenly, a small form jumps in front of you from a nearby window. As he takes up a relaxed stance, you can see that it is a golden-furred monkey dressed in an open open martial arts vest and pants. He is armed with a wooden staff which seems to change sizes when you're not looking at it.";
say " His bushy brows draw together in annoyance as he looks you up and down, then challenges you to your face: [quotation mark][italic type]What's this! You are not the Monkey King - I am the Monkey King! Impostor! <...more content...>";
otherwise:
say " Suddenly, a small form jumps in front of you from a nearby window. Before you stands golden-furred monkey dressed in an open open martial arts vest and pants. He is armed with a wooden staff who seems to change sizes when you're not looking at it.";
say " With an arrogant grin on his face, he challenges you: [quotation mark][italic type]Peasant! You are now graced by the presence of the illustrious, mighty Monkey King. Obey your betters and service me. Of course, you can also do that after I wacked you a little with my staff...[roman type][quotation mark]";
- Another point where you can get some plus point from the players is by taking their preferences into account. YOur current scenes are pretty dominant on the player side, which might not be what a submissive player can accept readily. You could split off a second version for that:
- Code: Select all
if "Submissive" is listed in feats of player: [sub players]
say " Text for subby players";
otherwise: [normal players]
say " Text for non-subby players";